What has God been doing in my life? Oh my, let me tell you! But first... I must back track. This is going to be long, so stay with me!
As December is now half way over, 2011 is so close to ending. For years I've gone through journals and blogs at the end of the year and then wrote a "recap" of how the year went. I've gotten less detailed as the years have gone by, but still do it none the less. So since it's about that time, I'll back track, but try not to get to far behind because I definitely want to get to what's going on in my life right now. It's exciting to me! Maybe not to you, but it is for me :)
In case you don't know, 2010 was not a good year for me. I had lots of trials and heartache in 2010. Yes, there were good points but the bad outweighed the good in my mind. When 2010 was ending, I was hoping that 2011 would be a new year full of new seasons, memories, peace and most importantly healing. I don't need to go into detail of why I needed so much healing to happen in my life, heart and spirit but if you wish to know, feel free to ask! Thankfully, God brought healing to me in every way that I needed. 2011 has been full of new memories, friendships, experiences and seasons. Of course it also brought hardships, trials and heartache but there was a lesson to be learned from all of it and I believe that. But, the new season that I had been hoping for since the start didn't come until about a month ago. Since God's timing is perfect, I know that it came at the right time. I don't have to look at 2012 as being a new year, a new start because for me, my NEW year... my NEW start has begun! I’ll get to it, don’t worry.
Throughout 2011, I knew this would be my last year at Schoolcraft. My plan was to graduate at the end of the Fall semester and to go on my merry way, where ever that would be. I hoped that God would open doors and lead me out of state. I’m pretty sure most of you could guess which state I was rooting for :) Haha. Anyway... whenever I feel like I’m in a dry season, I just want to leave. It happens to me a couple of times a year and when it comes, I’m at what feels like my wits end with living in Michigan and I’m just ready for somewhere new where I barely know anyone. Not to mention that I was pretty much convinced that my future husband was NOT in Michigan. Dramatic? Yes.
I was in one of these “dry seasons” for most of 2011. I was still pursuing God and a relationship. I was still pursuing ministry and serving because my heart wouldn’t allow me to do otherwise. I continued to pour into my friendships, family, school, work, etc. But there was always that pulling that “when I graduate, it’s all gonna change...” I think we all have plans for ourselves. We have our idea of what the “perfect” plan would be, even though we know God’s plan is the only perfect plan. I had my plan, there’s no doubt about that. And although I had my plan, I always prayed that God’s plan would prevail. I was told by a friend that it’s when we are most content where we are, that God will move. I’ve always known that I needed to get to a point where I was completely content with who I am in Christ and where I am. I’m very much a planner so, to not know what’s going on and to let go of that plan I had for myself was very difficult. So, all through this season of my life I felt like God wasn’t moving. At times I would feel distant and wonder if I’d ever be in a good place with God. I was trying to get there, but not hard enough. Now, I must make a disclaimer. When I say I was distant from God, I don’t mean in the sense of walking away from Him or church or making bad decisions. I mean I was distant in the sense that I was not truly listening to Him or furthering my relationship with Him. Although I didn’t think God was moving, He most certainly was. He was carefully preparing my heart for what he was going to do.
Around the time the semester began, I was growing incredibly stressed about what I was going to do when I graduated. After all, it was ONLY 3 months away. The number one most stressful question is probably, “so what are you going to do when you graduate?” and when you don’t have an answer to that, most people will give you a concerning look. But for me, I didn’t have an answer because I never felt like God had fully revealed what that would consist of. I prayed every single day that my plan for my life would be God’s plan. God knows the desires of our hearts but He still wants us to ask. I often would think that God was probably tired of hearing my plea but I know He never was. I continued to fervently pray that God would reveal His plan to me and that He would prepare my heart for whatever that was. I’ve prayed over and over that God would bring me to a place of contentment. Content being here and being content in who I am, as a person and in being single because at times this was a struggle.
I would have multiple conversations with a dear friend who’s wisdom I take very much to heart and she constantly encouraged me. One thing she said to me struck me deep. She said, “the looser we hold to our plans, the quicker we’ll see His plans unfold.” I tried so hard to wrap my mind around that. It’s such truth and I wanted my heart to grab a hold of that with every fiber in me. It was about a month or a month and a half ago that I finally grabbed a hold of this. After months of praying to be content where I’m at, God answered my prayer and gave me what I’ve longed for for years.
Complete contentment.
I have risen above this dry season that I felt myself in for so long. God has birthed a new passion and excitement in me for life and the life that HE has for me.
After months of seeking God and waiting, He has blessed me with a spirit that is so content in who I am and where I am. All I want, is to do God’s will. All I want, is to be in the place that God wants me.
Whether that’s here or somewhere else. I do love Michigan. Much to contrary belief, I do. I love my family and friends here. If God keeps me here, to serve in the ministries that I am privileged to be a part of and just do life with the people here, then so be it. If He chooses to move me, it won’t at all be easy but if it’s what He wants, so be it.
Whether single or in a relationship. And that friends, is HUGE for me to say. I want to be a wife and mother one day but ultimately I want whatever it is that He has for me. And coming from a girl who’s never been in a relationship but has wanted one, this is huge! I want God to direct my footsteps and that includes any relationship. I say all of that because, this is something that God has helped me overcome. If God called me to be single the rest of my life, I would be a little disappointed but if that’s what He had for me, so be it! Have I said yet that I just want to do what God wants? :) I do, I do, I do.
It doesn’t matter where I am, or who I’m with. As long as I’m doing God’s will I will be perfectly content because He is all that I need.
For so long, I wondered if I would ever get to this place. The place I’m in right now and where I’m at with my relationship with God, is a place I’ve never been before. I wish I had gotten here sooner. When I really started realizing what God was doing and how I was changing, I came across the passage in Mark when Jesus called the disciples. I shared this on my facebook and it still challenges me. This is what I put on facebook:
“It says in Mark 1, "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." At once they left their nets and followed him.
The disciples didn't hesitate. They dropped what they were doing and followed Jesus. How often do we do this? When we're called to come or go, speak up or encourage someone...often we hesitate, but why?
I know when God says "go" or "do (fill in the blank)" I want to obey without hesitation.”
I'm just a person, nothing special. Just a person who wants to fulfill God's calling on my life and serve Him.
It was around this time that I really started realizing that God was changing and challenging me. I wanted to follow with that same attitude. Without hesitation.
Friends, I hope you are encouraged. Even when it seems like God isn’t moving, He IS. He’s right there beside you, cheering for you and may even be whispering “wait on me, I won’t let you down.” His timing is completely perfect. All good things come to those who wait. God knows what our hearts desire. He answers our prayers in His timing.
You know that thing my friend told me, about holding looser to our plans so that God’s can unfold? I’ve seen this in my life. And all within the last 3-4 weeks! When I finally surrendered all my plans and ideas, and truly surrendered them, I seen the blessing that came from this. God has begun to open doors that I didn’t think would open. In the big and small things. He has His hand over my life and in my friendships/relationships. The people who are in my life are there for a reason. The friendships that are growing right now are growing for a reason.
Phew. That was a lot. I hope I was able to communicate that effectively and in a way that makes sense. If you need me to explain it in person, don’t hesitate to ask! I’d be thrilled to talk about it!
So, what does all this mean in my life right now?
Well, as I write this. I’m almost finished with my classes!!! :) :) :) I don’t have to go into class again, I just have one final to take online. This is a huge accomplishment for me and I know you’ve probably seen or heard all my excitement about it.
As most know, I work at Schoolcraft’s Children’s Center (daycare) as a student employee. Since I am no longer a student, my last day of work was going to be December 22. I was getting very sad about this because I dearly love my job and especially the preschoolers who have grabbed a hold of my heart. This past week God opened a door in which allows me to stay at the Children’s Center temporarily as part time help. I could be there for 2 weeks or 2 months. The period of time is unknown but I’m thankful that God hasn’t shut the door yet... the way I’ve described it is that He’s propped the door open. It will shut eventually and will be time to move on. I’ll be ready. But in the meantime, I’m going to embrace the time I have working there. I’m so grateful that God has presented this to me. This is just one of the many examples of seeing His hand and plan move in my life. Now for everything else... I’m not going back to school quite yet. I have (or will have) my Associates in Child Development and I’m going to enjoy some time off. I will continue to work at Dairy Queen as well as The Children's Center until that door closes. I’m praying for what the next step is because right now, I’m not sure. Doors are opening, it’s just which one is the right one.
So, if I can ask for prayer... that I would remain in this place of being content and allowing God to do whatever it is He wants to do.
I still have hopes and dreams but at the end of the day, it's all about Him. It's ALL about the one who has given me this life to live. A life that is completely blessed, far more than I even deserve.
Thanks for listening friends, thanks for reading. Your love and support to me has been incredible. Whether you’ve been through the great times or the bad times. I appreciate you. I pray that God intervenes in your life in whatever way it is He needs.
Friends, seek God. Be content in where He has you. It’s only a season, whether it’s a good one or a rough one, a dry one or one full of joy.
